Do you think we could work out a song?

This needs to discussed.




1. I never used to be the kind to act on vengeance. I never used to hold a grudge as much as I do now. I never used to think it was healthy. I know it's not actually, but I find myself doing it. Especially to a few certain people. One or two of those people have hurt me, another person is not who they say they are, and well the last person is myself. I am not exactly sure where this blog will be going but I can say safely that I'm sure it'll be unpleasant. Back to what I had made this paragraph out to be...my vengeance. I'm holding grudges against people more than just those listed (they were just examples really) and I don't really know why all of the sudden I feel like it's something I should do. I try to let go of things as much as possible and simply 'let it be' but it's very hard when situations keep pilling up and the amount of baggage one must carry becomes too much. Needless to say it's getting to me...on an excessive level. You probably won't see it in my eyes and you may not recognize it at all but certain people, especially those I'm against at the current moment should realize there's some discord in the way we speak or act to one another. I'm angry, extremely. I really could use a drink at this very moment but the truth is I'm waiting. Yup...waiting. It's only for another 5 days and then it's my birthday so it's not like I'm really waiting all that long but nevertheless being the hypocrite I am, I will wait. It's sickening really what goes on in my head. Take for example the fact that I cannot in any way begin to describe how I feel about life at the moment. Before the 'incident' as I'll refer to it, I noticed a problem with my drinking but I decided to just let the week run its course and I'd be fine. It probably would've worked out that way if it hadn't been for that night. I guess there's just too many things going on in my head including my relationships, school, money problems, unhappiness, and the key to every broken song(2.) my family. For god's sake I cannot escape the turmoil that is my family. I hate it at every turn and I keep finding myself not able to run away. It's probably because I have entirely too much love for my mom though I will never understand why she's put with me. I wouldn't have, but I guess looking at the big picture I'm no where near as big a mess as some of the other members. Whatever. If it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't stick around. "But what about your friends?" They ask me. (3.) I love them...I don't care what anyone says I love each and everyone of the fuckers. I don't care who likes who or who doesn't like who or even if they have a problem with who I hang out. I really don't...and it may hurt them to see that but give me a break really. Let me hang out with who I want, in the end I'll stand up for who I think is right and then you can make your biased decisions. As for the statement I admit I am an open hypocrite. Some are associating with people I don't like at all, and here I say let me be but at the same time I chastise those I don't like. I can't help it, it's human nature (I guess) but there's very very few people I don't like. I'd say in all honesty, when it came down to it and the daily drama that is life is wiped away there's really only 2 people I don't enjoy their company. They've both done something to either me or someone I know and I'm not okay with it. (If you really have to try and find out if I'm talking about you...don't waste your breathe) (4.) Anyways...I just wait sit here now quietly waiting for the summer and the warmth because that's when I'll able to be escape and not have to deal with who I'm around or what I'm doing. As for the next five days I can only pray something else doesn't happen or I may need to snap in my addiction a bit sooner than planned.