Hanging Tree

I'm not okay, think I'm losing my mind. I feel as though there's too much to do, but I always find myself bored. Been in a lot of pain lately, left side of my body is killing me, still can't explain why. I see through it, suppress it, take a pain killer when I can but I don't take them every time it hurts, it'd be a least 3 times a day sometimes. I know what I want, I know what I have to stop, what I have to change, but I don't. For some reason I revert back to things that don't actually make me happy, they just subdue my urges for a time. I hate, with a passion, these things. If I possessed a weaker sense of willpower, I may not be able to acknowledge the fact that I do indeed loathe these practices. I must find a way to force them out of my life, forever. Too often I pick apart the past and realize through all my unhappiness I was really quite content. Why I may one day come to the same conclusion about today but I am stuck in this rut it would seem. I tell myself I must keep going. I'm not crazy, not yet. I aim to prove that I'm still something important. I figured out my purpose the other day, well everyone's really. Going into detail about that though, and then they'd just call me crazy...